On Birthdays and Motherhood

My oldest turns twelve today and so that also means it’s my twelfth anniversary at this job of motherhood. What a whirlwind…the kind of whirlwind that zips by some days and seems to never end on other days, and in every single one of those days is pure priveledge.

Mother and newborn baby in their home in Bellevue Washington

When I think about that day that he was born and the days leading up to it, one thing is clear: I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. If I was being honest, I would have told you that I felt good about the fact that I was an elementary teacher and how maybe (hopefully) that added a star to my badge and gave me some kind of advantage heading into motherhood. But the hard truth is, nothing can prepare you for it.

Starting from the day he was born which was supposed to be a routine checkup on my way to work, and ended in me getting pushed in a wheelchair to Labor and Delivery (after some unsuccessful pleading with the doctor to just let me go home and get my hospital bag, to which he said no), it became painstakingly clear that I was not in the driver’s seat for any part of this. I sat there in the hospital bed, hooked up all sorts of monitors, and through shaky breath and silent tears, called Jeff to tell him it was time.

Mom and dad with their newborn son in their home

I wish I could tell you, twelve years into this thing, that I’ve figured it out. I haven’t. As it turns out, you step into motherhood with a learning curve as steep as the years left on this earth. Some things get easier (it’s REALLY nice when they start sleeping through the night, for example), but mostly they just change into new things that you don’t know how to do.

Right before school started this year, I was driving Everett to his Middle School Orientation. I asked him if he was nervous and he said he was a little bit. I went on to explain how normal that feeling is when you’ve never done something before. I told him that when I am trying to figure something out that I’ve never done before, it helps me to take a step back and remind myself that I’m not supposed to know how to do it. Why is that reminder so helpful? Of course nobody expects us to have mastered something we’ve never done, but I know that I get trapped in that mindset all the time and just releasing myself of the expectation to have it all figured out really does help.

So here’s to motherhood: Twelve years of it. Here’s to embracing the reality that I don’t know what I’m doing, and to reminding myself that I’m not supposed to. Here’s to this wild ride that is often wonderful, sometimes really bumpy, and mostly somewhere in between. And perhaps the biggest mystery of all is that even on the hardest of days, it still feels like the best gift I’ve ever been given. Here’s to not having a clue on how to do something and then reminding ourselves (over and over again) that we’re not supposed to know.

Also, speaking of being clueless, if you are a parent of a Middle Schooler and beyond…do tell me all the things. Seriously.

Location Feature: Dune Peninsula Park with the Taylor Family

When I stopped teaching full time, one of the things that I missed the most was the long term relationships that I had developed with families. It’s a priveledge that comes from working at the same school for a longer period of time, and one that I did not take for granted after working at a different school each year of the first few years of my career. When I started my photography business, I did not have the imagination to think I’d get that back. And yet, seven years after starting this business, I’ve had the immense joy of walking alongside of families year after year, documenting their growing kids and growing families. It’s one of the things that I will forever be most grateful for about this job. Each time I get to show up at a session with a family I have come to know, and I get to comment on how big their kids have gotten or congratulate them on a new addition, I can’t believe I get to do this work.

One such family is the Taylor family. I was hired to be the newborn photographer for their daughter over five years ago, and got to photograph them again recently at Dune Peninsula Park on the Tacoma waterfront. I absolutely love Dune Peninsula for family sessions. It is the ultimate PNW location as it boasts sweeping views of the Sound, often with a ferry in the background. There is also a large grassy hill that plays a leading role in golden hour sessions as the sun sets right behind it, creating some beautifully backlit portraits. And if those weren’t enough, there are also some really fun metal structures that add a playfulness to the session that I love.

Picture of big brother with his newborn sister during Newborn Session in Lakewood, WA

Then:

Big Brother holding his new baby sister during newborn session January 2020.

Brother and Sister dancing during family session at Dune Peninsula Park in Tacoma, WA

Now:

Big Brother dancing with his sister during our family session, summer of 2025.

So if you’re looking for a location for your family pictures that give off a very PNW vibe while also providing a large variety of other backgrounds, Dune Peninsula might be the perfect fit for you. And bonus points if your kids break into a spontaneous dance at golden hour and it’s captured and frozen in time forever to be printed and hung on the walls of your home.

On Hormones and Fertility

In this exclusive interview, I sit down with Jenni Sills, Certified Nutrition Coach and Functional Hormone Specialist. She shares the most significant contributors to hormone health and how you can support your overall hormone health or your fertility journey.

Read More

the beautiful, the painful, and everything in between

I’ll be honest. There’s a lot about these past several months that have felt like a swift kick to the gut. Maybe it’s because Monday marks that day that my family and I were supposed to board a plane for Hawaii - a vacation that had been planned for over a year. We are not in Hawaii. We are not watching our kids play in the warm water. We are here. And I’m trying to allow myself to sit with this feeling that I often try to brush past, perhaps a bit too quickly. The pain of reality. The reality is that my son will not have a Kindergarten graduation this year. The reality is that my daughter left her first year of preschool one day, with no idea that she wouldn’t see her friends or her teachers for the remainder of the year. If I’m also honest, there is a lot of beauty that has unfolded during these past few months as well. However, I think often I don’t allow myself to feel the uncomfortable feeling of pain. When those feelings surface, it creates a kind of inner conflict that I’m wildly uncomfortable with. What follows is usually one of two things: I either feel guilty for not being more grateful for all the things in my life that are good and beautiful, or I brush right past the pain to get to the good. Is that just me or is that my peacemaker-nine-on-the-enneagram showing itself again?

There are a lot of great things about social media. However, I think that one of its greatest downfalls is the tendency we have to measure our worth by scrolling down and seeing squares of people living their best lives. We often see only the good and I know for myself, this often can lead to the downward spiral of comparison. Why doesn’t my life look like that? Why am I not creating a schedule of events that perfectly balances learning and play for my kids each day? Why am I not using this time of quarantine to do something more fruitful? My response is often to wait until I too feel like I have something exceptional to share. I think that this can further lead me avoid sitting with the things that don’t seem like they belong on the happy squares of social media, as well as to let all other great moments that are full of beauty and just short of exceptional, pass me by.

Here’s the thing…life is both breathtakingly beautiful and heart wrenchingly painful. The beautiful makes the pain more real and the pain makes the beauty more true. To live in one of those two extremes is to live a sort of one dimensional life that doesn’t serve myself or others well. I know that having this time with my kids at home is a rare and precious gift that I will never get back. Watching my kids play together for hours on end and watching their relationship deepen when they are usually apart most of the day, makes my heart so full. However, I also know that not having an ounce of time to myself has taken a toll on me that is real and true. I know that not seeing my clients and being able to use photography as a creative outlet as well as well as an extra source of income is hard. The elimination of all things “non-essential” has quieted the noise of distraction and allowed me to only see what remains. And while some of what remains is painful and hard, there sure are a lot of things that have always been here to take my breath away if only I had fixed my gaze for long enough to see them. And to feel the tension of all these things together is to feel alive.

So how to we hold both? You know what I’m going to say, don’t you? It’s the thing that constantly brings me back and grounds me. It’s the thing that allowed me to fall in love with photography: You slow and savor. You document. And whether that documentation for you looks like journaling, photography, creating, or any number of outlets, you let it linger long enough to get it all down. You feel the tension of both extremes without trying to dictate what the story looks like when you are all done. May we be a people who don’t see only the pain and who don’t rush too quickly into the beauty, but are able to hold space for both extremes and hold space for others to feel both extremes as well.

And to my clients who have turned into my friends - man, I miss you all! I can’t wait to get together again where I can document your family, comment on how big your kids have gotten, and catch up on life lived in between sessions. Meanwhile, I’ll just be here, reaching for my camera, even when I don’t really feel like it. May I point my lens to what resonates with me during this season - be it a thing of pain or a thing of beauty, and may it tell the story of a life lived to the fullest.